Shall We Dance?

To ask or not to ask, that is the question. Ask a man to dance and risk being refused or ask a man to dance and embark on a potential tango experience second to none. As a not so new, but not overly confident tangeura, it still takes me a lot of courage to ask the better leaders to dance. I suppose it’s down to mood of the day – both for me and for them. I recently read about fostering solidarity among women at milongas, but it’s a hard principle to follow when you see some women who don’t dance any better than you do being asked to dance over and over again – or some asking men to dance over and over again – while you sit and wait and watch and wait. To be honest, I much prefer to be asked. Anyway, tonight I intend to ask at least two of the better dancers in our community to dance – they can only say no, my ego can only be bruised. But then again, I might just find someone I really connect with. Watch this space!

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4 Comments on “Shall We Dance?”

  1. jantango Says:

    I’m a traditionalist, so I like a man to do the inviting with the cabeceo. There isn’t much solidarity in the milongas of BsAs; it’s every woman for herself.

    I learned from a milonguero that he dances when the music inspires him to dance; not when the woman seated at his table or nearby wants to dance. It has to be his decision.

    Try to get a man’s attention across the floor. It saves face for both of you and no one is the wiser.

    Tango isn’t a popularity contest; it’s a feeling that is danced by two.

  2. tangocorazon Says:

    I agree with Jan. I also think that when you are learning and are in your ‘hometown’ or your ‘local’ then that is where sisterhood comes in to play.
    At the milongas you are on your own whether in BsAs or not. It is a can of worms really….I can honestly say that I have never asked a man to dance verbally.


  3. I guess it depends on where you are as to whether you should ask or not. In some places it seems to be the done thing.

    Anyway, in the past week or so I have noticed a change in attitude, both mine and others’. The more sociable I present myself and the more I make it obvious that I want to dance, the better. Being generally shy-natured makes small-talk and cabaceo a bit of a challenge, but I’m getting there and am starting to reap the benefits.

  4. jantango Says:

    It doesn’t matter where you are dancing, we allow men to do the inviting with some nonverbal encouragement. Then it’s a mutual agreement.

    Your change in attitude will be felt by others. It’s getting different results. You are there to dance. I wouldn’t worry about small talk; it’s not necessary. Be selective in your partners and the cabeceo will work for you.


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